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I know every single person on this ship." Neelix leaned forward and raised his bushy eyebrows. " Chakotay opened his mouth to reply, but Neelix held up a hand to stop him. I want to wait until I have my database up and running." "Database? "I also have to make up some forms for people to fill out." "Forms? " "So the computer can calculate compatibility," he explained patiently. "I'll go and do that, while you're running the idea past the captain." With that, he dashed off. " Neelix hurried over to the table where Kathryn was sitting eating her dinner and reading from a padd. "I snuck in when you weren't looking." "Do you mind if I join you? "Of course not." Neelix pulled out a chair and sat down opposite her. "Sometimes I like to eat alone." "Of course, Captain." He played with his fingers nervously. I wanted to wait for your approval first." He mentally began to ready himself for the Captain's objections. "And I was wondering if you would like to join." "Me? "Neelix," she said, waving her fork, "I know everyone on this ship. You know how he can't keep a secret for more than ten nanoseconds." "That's kind of a long shot isn't it? "Commander Chakotay, report to my ready room immediately." Tom jumped noticeably at the steel in the Captain's voice. Once inside, he let out a breath and slumped next to Kathryn on the couch. Not that I don't appreciate initiative in my crew..." "I know. " "I've got incredible news." Tom poked his breakfast distractedly. He went to see her in the morning before the shift started. " "He was wearing boxer shorts, Tom," Harry said slowly. "I mean, really made up." Just then the mess hall doors opened and the two subjects of their conversation walked in. As they ate, Chakotay touched her arm twice, and at one point, the Captain definitely pressed Chakotay's hand against her face. "I think I've been hustled, Harry," he said eventually. " "They're not making up from a fight," Tom replied. Minutes later, both Chakotay and Kathryn stood to leave. " Chakotay asked, indicating his nearly full plate. "Well if I were you, I'd be getting used to eating mess hall food." Tom gulped. " "You owe me fifteen thousand replicator credits," Chakotay said. "There's transporter maintenance..." "Extra shifts in sickbay", Chakotay suggested. "But they don't know that." Chakotay pursed his lips thoughtfully. "That maybe this is a chance to kill two birds with one stone." "I'm afraid I'm not following you." "We could find a way to get Neelix off our backs, let the crew know about our relationship, and put an end to Tom's little betting pool on us all at once." "That's three birds," she observed. Don't tell me you're not salivating at the idea of fleecing Mr. "Whatever it is you're thinking of, I'm listening." "Well", Chakotay said resting his hand comfortably on her knee, "what I thought we could do is start by saying yes to Neelix's idea..." ** "Captain! "The dating agency." "Oh, the dating agency," she said loudly. "I haven't talked to any of the crew about it yet, Captain. People who are too busy, for example." "That's a good idea," she said. They're up to a hundred and twenty to one." "Well, maybe somebody figured that Neelix might try and set her up with Chakotay. Thankfully he was saved from further surliness by the chirp of his communicator. "Good." He glared once more at everyone on the bridge before entering the ready room. And Neelix has been creeping around the mess hall like he's afraid to show his face anywhere else on the ship." "Wonderful." "I think I overheard one of the crewmen saying that the agency would be suffering a premature demise." "I'm glad to hear it. " "This morning, I was walking along the corridor and I happened to go past the Captain's quarters." "Good for you." "Shut up and listen, will you Tom? "I saw the Commander leaving her quarters just as I was heading around the corner." "So? "It was pretty obvious that he just got up," Harry added. "So it looks like they made up from their fight," Harry went on. Chakotay and Kathryn picked up their breakfast plates from the kitchen then sat down together. "Look at that," Tom hissed, "they're laughing at me." "You're definitely paranoid, Paris," Harry replied. Paris, I'm sure we can think of some way you can work them off," Kathryn suggested, grinning wickedly. "Sometimes it can take effort to make new friends, Commander. It was a day for practical jokes, mostly." "Tom would love that," Chakotay observed. " "He's thinking that the crew don't socialize enough out of their own circle of work mates or usual friends. But he says it isn't just about pairing people off." "And who exactly is he intending to 'not pair me off' with? But, knowing Neelix, I imagine it would be me." She laughed. To step outside the routines that you're comfortable with. " "The Captain's name is on this list." "So is yours Commander. He thinks this might be a good way for them to get to know nodding acquaintances better," he recited.

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Smell Dating is an experimental dating service from the artists Tega Brain and Sam Lavigne of Useless Press (a jokey, fun, experimental, digital art group).Smell Dating recommends its clients avoid deodorant or perfume because these mask natural smells, but it's fine to get the shirt smelly with other things that indicate lifestyle choices — like cigarette smoke or a campfire.After three days, mail back your funky shirt, and you will receive 10 other people's shirts in the mail. ** Chakotay put his empty coffee cup down on the table just as Neelix tentatively approached him, padd in hand. Well, to ask your permission for, actually." "My permission? " "I know what you're thinking Commander, but it isn't as sordid as it sounds. "Actually," she said, "I was thinking that maybe the easiest way to put Neelix off would be just to tell him the truth." "Are you sure? I thought we could just tell Neelix, and that would get us out of this hare-brained scheme of his." He chuckled. " "They're the latest list of odds from Tom Paris' betting pool." "Where did you get this? " "Well, in a sense, yes." "I don't know Neelix..." "You could always fill in the form, and I'll go and do the analysis and tell you the results. This is to be strictly confidential." "Of course Captain", Neelix said, beaming. "Of course." "I'll leave this with you," he said, gesturing to the padd. Neelix had created an elegant restaurant for her dinner date tonight, but when he went to tell her who her computer match had been, she stopped him. "I think your date will think you look amazing," he said, kissing her softly on the neck. "I'll see you on the bridge," she said, nodding at Tom and Harry.

Thanks to Bodie for the initial idea, which he thought was too crazy to write about (like that has stopped me before, hmm? And for the corrections to my awful odds calculations. Summary: Neelix decides he wants to play matchmaker, and finds Kathryn and Chakotay oddly willing to go along with his plans. " "The usual." He put down the padd he had been reading. " "There's something I wanted to talk to you about. " She reached up and took his hand, kissing his knuckle before letting it go. I think we have enough evidence that our relationship isn't just another fling." "I never thought it was," he said softly. " "Well, I wasn't thinking of making a ship-wide announcement. And I have computer programme that will help me match up people who have similar interests." "A computer matchmaker? ** Kathryn fidgeted with her napkin, glancing around the holodeck. She had, after all, just seen him in her quarters while she was dressing. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close to his body. "I knew there was some reason I liked you." "Just the one? "Maybe we should come up with a list." "Sounds like a good idea to me," he agreed. "I wouldn't be doing any betting any time soon if I were you, Paris." As Harry left, Neelix hurried over to Tom's table. " "You know that as morale officer I see it as my duty to promote happiness among the crew," Neelix began. It's really about getting people together who have similar interests, encouraging them to meet new people. "And that would be different to making a ship-side announcement how...? "I see your point." She chewed her thumbnail thoughtfully for a moment. " She leaned over the coffee table, and extracted a padd from near the top of a pile. Then you could make up your mind." She hesitated a few minutes longer. As Neelix walked away, Kathryn picked up the padd and began reading. "Of course," she said, pulling him over to the couch. As though thinking about him had hastened his appearance, Chakotay entered the holodeck. She touched Chakotay's arm and they strolled off together.



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